Moving On

It has been two years and two months since I have been a single mom.  It has definitely had its ups and downs, most of the time complete release, freedom and happiness but also moments of loneliness, frustration and heartache.

My ex and I live in separate provinces, he in Alberta and I moved back home to Saskatchewan.  The kids live with me throughout the year.  Last summer we shared them (alternating every 2 weeks) but this summer they are gone to their dads for basically the whole summer.

Going through this process has been difficult, I had them this past week, but dropped them off to their dad again last evening and I already miss them.  I miss their faces and laughter and the smell of their hair… that baby soap mixed with hours of playing outside which makes for sun soaked happiness.  I miss Hudson crawling into bed with me every morning….

Their dad and I don’t get along which makes it all the more difficult dropping them off to him, but I try to put our differences aside and take a deep breath, and remind myself that they love him and deserve to have him in their lives. 

Sometimes it takes every ounce of courage, strength, forgiveness and faith to try and let go of the past and just move forward.  As much as it is difficult going through a separation, I don’t regret it.  I am blessed to have my kids and I have learnt a lot about myself, being a parent and life in general.

I’m sure I’ll eventually write down my past, I’m sure it will be therapeutic to get it out and accept everything that has happened.  For now, instead of moping about not having my kids around, I will remind myself of everything I should be happy and thankful for and continue to journal this new journey as our life is reinvented.

“I will live and not die”

Psalms 118: 17